Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Ruptured Expectations

I was intrigued by the depth to which Kathryn Schulz went to explore the concept of loss in her memoir "Lost and Found." It was intensely academic and personal all at the same time, at times seeming a little too intense to make it a pleasure to read - her writing talent and skill are superlative; it's just not a relaxing and easy read.

I was struck by how she presented loss in the context of scale. She described it as rupturing our expectations and revealing reality to us, shocking us into resizing ourselves to our surroundings. It is one of the ways in which we are reminded of how inconsequential and miniscule we are in the grand scheme of things. Losing something, she says, is humbling; it renders us powerless, no matter if it be through losing our glasses, losing a jet on the radar, or losing a loved one. We have no control over getting these back, or of orchestrating an undoing of the loss. My paraphrasing of her argument is nowhere near as eloquent as hers, and I hope I've conveyed it correctly. 

Fractured Illusion

She had an interesting take on how love stories are portrayed on paper and film that appealed to my understanding, too. They all end at the beginning, she reminds us, when the couple weds or commits! That is not the end of the story; it's the start of a journey that will have ripples of tears and joy - that is the real story, and unfortunately most depictions of love stories give us the wrong idea of what to expect, and how to weather the ups and downs.

I really enjoyed her in-depth analysis of things we regularly glance over, and of being exposed to her unique view of the world. A stunning, and smart writer!


Wendy said...

This post reminds me of a book I read as I navigated the rough waters of my divorce. "Necessary Losses" by Judith was a life altering book for me. She shows us that there is no growth without loss...."the loves, illusions, dependencies, and expectation that all of us have to give up in order to grow" is such a hard lesson to learn-that you are not in control, frankly, one of the hardest. In the end I learned.....that my life is about me, not about my relationships...relationships should not define you...for you are not a daughter, a wife, a mother, or a friend....all those can dissolve in a heartbeat through loss. I'm humbled by my losses, in some instances they've made my life richer, but I am certain to suffer loss again. We all will. Thanks for this post Deb...I would like to find the time to read this book again, at this stage of my life....when a divorce seem to be nothing compared to other losses I've experienced.

Debbie said...

Absolutely true, Wendy. Perspective!