Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Reflecting, Accepting?

Reflecting ... my body seems to have found its own equilibrium. Yes, it's heavier than "ideal," i.e. I've put on weight, but it's so much more fitting to my lifestyle and pace these days. It was active WORK trying to keep it off! I was in constant vigilance mode. It wasn't comfortable or relaxing, even though I knew I looked good as a slimmer, short person.

I have to keep saying to myself: so what? I remind myself that I'm not a runway model. I'm 60. I've had 2 pregnancies. My body's changed to accommodate what I wanted from it. I'm enjoying my life and activity level. I eat 'clean,' have scaled down my portions and plate size, and 'water' down my wine with seltzer. I like enjoying my life.

I'm trying to learn to accept me, but it's tougher than I thought, and I still vacillate back and forth about trying harder to be slimmer every now and again ... especially when I see candid photos of myself. It's a learning process. I need to keep working at it, this mental adjustment of body image, at a fundamental level. I'm trying to be more realistic; to shake off my socialized conceptions of what an ideal woman looks like. In fact, my curves are rounder, softer, curvier now 😀 - can't that be desirable????

I want to accept (and believe) that when clothes I fitted into as a slimmer person are no longer flattering, no matter how much I like them or their style,  it's time to find a wardrobe that fits. Not fit ME into a wardrobe. Will I achieve it? There's a lot to fight against!

And I'm aware that I don't sound all that convincing, or convinced, about the reality of my bigger body size, but I've never been good at the art of persuasion. One thing's for sure, I was totally surprised that my wetsuit, which I've had as a tight body hugger for the past 7 or so years, still zips up, so things can't be all THAT bad 😊

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