Flinch

I was an emotional and easily scared child growing up. I was afraid of the dark. I was terrified of aquariums. The mosaic dolphin on the bottom of a friend's pool scared me, making me feel as if I was in the dark, vast ocean. Ghosts? The supernatural or paranormal? Too close to my religious fear of the devil and exorcists. I was afraid to not be perfect, afraid I might be arrogant, or unkind, or wilful, in case it would make me too sinful and I'd go to hell - punished, with the threat of fire and brimstone, as is the Catholic way. It made me fearful of imagined demons, of threats, of evil.

I recall a close up photo of a BLACK cat with jade green eyes being used as a full page advert for some innocuous product or other, that I just could not look at as a child. It terrified me! The black cat seemed EVIL. If I was going through a magazine and opened unexpectedly on that page, I'd freak out and SHUT it immediately. Frightened out of my wits! I wouldn't open that issue again. I never saw it long enough to know what product was being advertised!

That was a long time ago, but when I consider it now as an adult, I'm intrigued at how instilling fear was used to control me as a child; how it kept me complacent, disciplined and obedient. I'm happy to say that all these years later, I can now admire and enjoy and revel in a black cat and its green eyes! And I don't think I'm all that obedient!